The Known Reality in Raw, A Oneshot of Unrequited Love

Silence.

That was all he didn’t hear, after all, it was impossible to hear a lack of sound.

For so long silence had comforted him. It had aided him in relaxation, peace, and thought.

But this ringing silence that hung like death in the air was nothing he appreciated.

So he searched for sound. Anything, the scratching of the tree branches outside, the soft pitter patter of feet outside the room in the hallways.

The piercing monotonous screech of the heart machine beside the bed. When was that heard?

Regardless, the blonde decided to let the mocking beeps drown out his sense of reality.

He was running, he knew that, but from what? The fact that he knew he had broken the blonde’s heart so many years ago? It wasn’t his fault, he knew it would only hurt more if he led him on. Still, the guilt had always stayed with him. As much as the sun haired male put up a happy go lucky front, he was much more fragile than anyone besides him would ever know. That’s why he had been scared to death to have told him he had found someone else.

That iciness that tore through his stomach and made his entire body frigid. It stung like he had been stabbed in the stomach, in fact, he wouldn’t have been surprised if he had looked down to find a knife there in the first place.

That same impending feeling of terror he felt that day, he felt now.

He was scared of something else, this time around, though,

It was several more minutes before Tsugaru knew the dull beeps of the heart monitor wouldn’t be able to keep him from his fear any longer.

With a great hesitance, he coaxed himself into speech.

“Linda?” He said softly, as if he were afraid of speaking.

The vibrant blonde locked in alabaster sheets let out a soft stream of air, before he bothered to reply.

“What is it?” His usual bubbly voice was hoarse and quiet, as if dreading what he knew the man sitting in the chair beside his bed would say next.

“You haven’t said a word since I came into your room an hour ago.” The kimono clad figure said, pausing for the other to respond.

After a steady minute of silence, he knew the gold eyed teen was going to make him say it.

“Please talk to me.” Tsugaru pleaded nearly inaudibly, his mournful blue gaze averted towards the ground.

There was another weak sigh, before Linda took pity on the man and spoke.

“They say I’ve had the sickness for about two years now. It didn’t become too bad until a month ago, though.“ The younger of the droned out monotonously.

Sure, he meant it to be monotonously, but it was anything but to the sky gazed man.

He could here it in the underlining of his voice. The bitterness, the pain, the dread, it was all so evident in his voice. The thing that spoke the loudest, however, was the fear.

He was vulnerable and scared. Like most people in his situation, he didn’t want to die. He wanted to exist, but fate had another plan for Linda Linda Kida.

All of it swelled like a balloon being inflated with air in his throat, but by some mind blowing feat he still managed to spit out a reply.

“There are things you want to tell me.” The statement was more automatic than anything else.

The telepathy that existed between the two had always remained, even after their relationship had ended. He knew what the flaming blonde was and wasn’t telling him, how he was feeling, and nearly everything about him as the blonde knew he was going to say what he said.

“If I told you everything I’ve been wanting to for the past three years, it be a waste of time.” Linda drawled lamely.

Now it was Tsugaru’s turn to sigh.

“It’s the least I can offer you, after all, you are…” The elder began.

“Dying.” The blonde finished bluntly.

The sunny haired male let out a few bitter laughs that erupted into coughs and then finished off in painful groans, all more unbearable than the next for the beach blonde in the chair to witness.

“I’m here, now, for you.” The man swallowed before continuing. “Linda, please, you can tell me anything.”

He was already partially there in the first place. He knew that if he would have visited him earlier, he would have tried to put on his cheery mask for him, even though he would have felt the same as he did now. Now, it was different however. He knew he was coming to an end, that very soon, in fact, even though it made his skin crawl to think about it, it could be any minute he would slip away and be nothing more than a memory held by many people.

He knew he was going to die, so he figured why put up an act anymore? It was a one and only time where he was on the outside what he was on the inside. Almost his entire life he’d been living a lie, and for now, that lie was peeled away like the skin on an orange.

“Fine.” The bedridden announced softly, once light hearted, now hardened yellow eyes staring distantly at the ceiling.

“You’re really something else, you know?”

Tsugaru gave a confused look, but before he could ask the blonde spoke again.

“A little while after we broke up, I tried to hate you. For these past three years I’ve really been trying to hate you with all my heart. I thought you were different from everyone else I had dated before, but it came to the same ending. Whenever anyone spoke about you I could feel it, in my stomach. The anger and hatred I felt for you, against you for falling in love with someone else. I could hate you whenever you weren’t around, I could convince myself you were no good for me and that things were better off this way when I wasn’t in your presence. It was all so easy when you weren’t there, but whenever you were with me, with no one else, and whenever you spoke to me all of that melted away.”

The silence in that room had never rang so loudly than it had when Linda wasn’t talking.

“All of my pain, anger, and hatred towards you disappeared whenever your attention was on me. Even after all these years, you have never ceased to make my heart flutter with your attention. It made me confused for the longest time, until one day, when I was lying awake in this same hospital bed, it hit me.”

The blue and white kimono clad man was about to ask what, but once again Linda spoke before he could.

“I never stopped loving you.”

The words came down like a hammer, slamming Tsugaru back into a bitter reality. Truthfully, he had known this from the very first moment their relationship has ended, it just never had become so real until the male across from him told it so.

“I had been trying to run and hide and keep myself from that. I know now though, that true love doesn’t stop when you have a broken heart, or the relationship ends. It stays there forever, whether you want it or not. A lot of people in life settle for people they can love, but they never find the people they will truly love. I know that I’ve been cursed and gifted with the person I will truly love.”

The musician’s words hung heavy in the pipe smoker’s heart, like lead. It was painful to hear these words, but he couldn’t really even say that, because he’d be lying. The words didn’t hurt, but the guilt they evoked felt like needles. That guilt that he had been feeling for all this time, he had been able to suppress and hide from it, but hearing the blonde talk to him now, it forced him out of it.

He couldn’t hide anymore, he was forced to hear the truth he’d been running from for such a long time.

“So I guess what I’m trying to say is, that even though you love Psyche…”

Tsugaru could have winced at the way the younger hissed out his lover’s name. He may not have hated him, but he couldn’t say the same for Psyche…

“…I’ll always love you, forever.”

And it was with that that the musician wrapped his frail little fingers around the life support cord that plugged into the wall.

“Take me dear lord, for I have been cursed with unrequited love.”

Linda yanked at the cord, letting out a satisfied grunt when it dislodged from the electrical socket.

Tsugaru’s eyes went wide then. It was an instinct when he rushed forward and ran to plug the cord back in.

“Please.” A feeble voice cried out.

With a moment or two’s thought, the beach blonde realized that the voice belonged to Linda.

“I’ve told you everything, and I’m going to die anyway. I’m content know, so please, let me have this, if not anything else.” The highlighter yellow rasped out pleadingly, almost inaudibly.

And it killed the man that was just mere inches away from the gold eyed male’s dangling hand, clutching the unplugged life support. He wanted to let him live, if only for another hour or so, but he couldn’t go against the male, not like this, after what he had said…

…He wanted him to have peace, and as much as it hurt, he couldn’t go against that.

“Alright.” He choked out, his heart aching.

Linda’s face twisted into an odd feeble expression, which Tsugaru recognize as a weak, content smile.

And with that, the heart monitor flat lined, and soon doctors and nurses were pushing him out of the room.

He started in a solemn haze down the hallway, and to the lobby. That memory would burn inside his head and heart stronger than anything else, he knew.

When the ravenette who had been waiting in the lobby grabbed his arm and asked him how it went, he replied with a dull. “Fine.”

It had been anything but, but the light blonde knew what Psyche didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

“…I’ll always love you, forever.”

Those words would sing out in his heart forever, even if they were unrequited.

Dei...why you so awesome? *tearing up slightly* Poor Linda...

» Poetry For My Love <3