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 Kaiki Magane's Character Needs Approval

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Kaiki Magane
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PostSubject: Kaiki Magane's Character Needs Approval   Sun Oct 28, 2012 10:53 pm




Full Name: Kaiki Yuki Magane

Nickname(s): "Kai-chan", "Rose", "Mana", "Eye patch", and "Rat".

Birthdate: April 20, 1996

Age: 16

Physical appearance: Kaiki is a rather tall girl, 5'6" in height, with pure white hair that falls past her chest. Her face is modeled somewhat cutely, with a sharp chin and perfected cheeks, with an eye of red. Only her right eye is seen, her left covered by a black eye patch. Her skin is a peach color. She always wears a red undershirt with a black wife beater over it, as well as a hooded jacket that is decorated in orange and blue flames. She wears long pair of pants designed for running and activity, covered in various pockets. Flat-footed boots cover her feet, scratched and worn by daily life.


Personality: Kaiki is known to be stubborn and a bit on the insane side. She laughs at gore and horror like its a joke, she sees shadows and hears voices that aren't really there. She does not follow or lead, she rathers to pave her own path and walk it alone. Her temper is thin and frail, and those who manage to break it tend to find themselves on the receiving end of a right hook.

Whenever she may have what she calls a 'small crush', she will usually stutter and blush whenever they get too close. She is usually denying her love of the individual, but if one would look into her eye, they could she she really cared for them. She's also far too protective of her friends, usually injuring anyone that may hurt them, physically or emotionally.

Kaiki can be selfless and selfish at times, it all depends on the situation she's in and what it calls for.

Kaiki is rather fond of hiding her emotions, putting any fear or sadness she may feel behind a smile and the usually crazed eye she has. Although, like any normal human, emotions can get the best of her at times, but very rarely.

Background: Kaiki was born into a not so wealthy and not really poor family that lived in Tokyo, Japan. Kaiki also had five brothers, not one sister, which her mother desperately wanted to have. Growing up around these many men made her what she is today, a pure tomboy. From the age of three, Kaiki was exposed to her brother's version of stunts, which usually ended in someone getting hurt at some point of the day. From this day, Kaiki wasn't like other girls, much to her mother's displeasure.

When Kaiki started middle school, she was teased because of her personality and the way she styled her hair each morning. She had pulled her hair up, and with the way her face was shaped, she looked like a boy. The girls called her a man, even saying 'he' instead on 'she' when they talked about her near her. This made Kaiki very cautious of her appearance, also rather quiet and meek. Of course, most of the time, she pretended nothing was wrong. The boys favored her sport-loving and dress hating personality, while the girls teased her and showed such malice towards the snowy white haired girl.One day, she was called an ugly 'Rose'. This made Kaiki glare at the girl ith anger. She had always hated that word, it reminded her of her imperfections, her thorns. She marched up to the bully, fist raised and eyes blazing. One hit was all it took to knock the girl down.

The girls only stared, amazed as the girl turned on her heel and walked away stiffly.

Not a month later, her parents were divorced, her brothers and her were supposed to be with her father, alas he didn't have enough room to house all of his children, leaving Kaiki with her mother until her father could take her in. Even worse, the mother didn't let te father visit unless he was coming to take Kaiki away.Turns out, the divorce was caused by her mother cheating on a man she planned to marry only days after the divorce. Her step-father was abusive, and always proclaimed her hated the red-eyed girl.

Yes, he did hurt her, but she never cried, never in front of him. Yes, her mother joined in on the abusive afflictions by not even trying to stop the abusive man,, but she never did call for help.

Instead, she began to hear voices and see the shadows of people who weren't really there. Out of pure loneliness she began to speak with the apparitions of her mind.

At the age of fifteen, her step-father, while hitting her, asked her why she didn't just kill herself.

Kaiki responded with a laugh and a few words that changed her life forever,
"Because suicide is stupid, like you."

Her step-father threw her onto the bed and grabbed a sharpened kitchen knife. Kaiki, eyes wide with fear of what might happen, tried to jump up and run. He pushed her back down, pinning her wrists back with one hand and keeping her legs in place with his own. He sneered at the girl, whom struggled under him.

"I've always loved you eyes...Mind if I take one?" Before she could respond to her fake father's poison tainted words, the blade plunged into her left eye.

A scream pierced the night, stirring the neighbors into worry and suspicion. Help was called, but it was too late.

She couldn't fight, she could barely scream anymore as the pain rushed through her body and stung her muscles. Eventually, he got off, the girl's left eye taken from her head and now hanging on the blooded blade of the knife. The man walked off, not caring about the girl who as now curled up, hands cupping her bleeding socket in hopes to ease the pain.

Help arrived, finding the girl culled up and screaming quietly, nearly whispering her shrieks of terror. He mother decided that after her eye had been taken, she'd have to hide the blemish from public so that she wouldn't be embarrassed by her daughters dreadful appearance.

She had woven a black eye patch for her daughter to hide the socket missing an eye. Then, her father had called, saying he had enough room to take care of het now. The mother sent her off to be with her father.

Even during this train ride towards Ikebukuro, her bag of clothing and personal items clutched tightly in her hands, she did not once think of suicide.

Because suicide was stupid, just like her step-father.

As soon as she arrived in Ikebukuro, her brothers assaulted her with hugs and questions about her eye. Shamelessly, she showed them, throwing off the eye patch to reveal the black hole on her face. They were horrified at the sight, and advised her to keep it hidden. She laughed and said that that was her plan the entire time.


Close relationships: Her brothers, and her father.

Current occupation (if applicable): Student.


Strengths: Speed, Smarts, Strength, Strategy.

Weaknesses: Cute things, Friends, Love (Either watching a couple interact or feeling love herself.), Injured Animals

Fears/Insecurities: Darkness, Thunder, Peacocks, she's disturbed by the bright colors of their tail, Being Touched

Likes: Sweets, animals, sports, parkour, her brothers, her father, her jacket, Manga, Anime, nicknames, ice cream, soda and crazy people (Like her~! >.<)

Dislikes:Peacocks, dresses, skirts, frilly stuff, hearts, the color pink, school, serious people, annoying people and nosy people.

Driving force: Kaiki wants to prove to herself that nothing can destroy or break her, that she won't cry in the face of fear or pain.

Hobbies: learning Parkour, reading (Iknowirght), watching Anime, teasing her brothers, and destroying property.

Describe your character in three words: Stubborn, Crazy, Funny.

If your character were stranded on an island and could only bring two things with them, what would they be?: Her jacket and a stick.

If your character could change anything about themselves, what would they change?: She would change her height. She thinks she's too tall.

Your character opens their fridge; what do they see?: ice cream, she loves sweets, especially ice cream.

Sample Roleplay: Kaiki spun around in her father;s office chair, head tilted back and white hair flying everywhere. She'd gain speed by placing her feet on the leg of the desk and pushing off with all the strength she could muster. She was having fun, until her sibling decided to ruin it.

"Kai~! Wanna play a game?" She fell from the chair, landing on the floor with a loud 'Thump' as the chair continued to spin without her. A few moments of a rather comical silence followed before she punched one hand into the air.

"Yesh!" Her voice was muffled by the carpet. Her brother laughed and gently pulled her up, setting her down so that she was leaning against the side of the desk. Kaiki pulled her legs to her chest and rocked herself boredly. "What kinda game?" She asked, tilted her head somewhat.

"Twenty questions~!" Her brother answered, making her groan. He shook his head, snickering, before continuing. "You go first!"

"Alright..." She grinned, obviously having a rather sinister idea. "I thought of something!"

"Is it...an animal?" She shook her head.
"Erm...A person?" Again, she shook her head.
"It is a plant or fruit of some sort?" She grinned this time, nodding her head excitedly. Her brother smiled brightly before asking again, "Is it yellow?" She thought for a moment before nodding.

"Is it tangy, sweet?" She raised her hands and shifted it from side to side, "Could be either one really..."
"Really! Okay..." Something clicked in his mind. "Is it something I hate?" She nodded, grinning evilly.
"Is it a pineapple...?"

"Yes!" Before he could yell at the mere thought of the fruit she knew he despised, she threw an entire bowl of freshly cut pineapples at him. He growled, then wondered where exactly she got the bowl from. Before he could ask, or yell, she had slapped the back of his head and scampered off, shouting, "Happy birthday, bro!"

Her brother sighed, yet smiled. She was just full of surprises, wasn't she.

Other: Don't give her chocolates, she'll be even more insane.


Last edited by Kaiki Magane on Mon Oct 29, 2012 2:25 am; edited 1 time in total
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Seliphra
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PostSubject: Re: Kaiki Magane's Character Needs Approval   Mon Oct 29, 2012 12:48 am


Okay, interesting concept but there are a few things that need to be worked out before she can be approved.

  • Considering your description she is albino, however human albino's are more likely to have very pale blue or violet eyes. We also currently have a large number of them active on the site and while we won't reject your character based soley on this we are starting to be overrun by a very rare genetic anomaly. You must either reconsider this or play the medical conditions that accompany albinism. (Poor eyesight, sensitive skin, needing SPF 100 for trips under four hours and higher in trips longer plus a hat or umbrella as they don't tan, they physically can't, and she would constantly need long, covering clothing)

  • You say she is 'on the insane side'. This needs WAY more description

  • She was teased for the way she styled her hair but not the fact that she has albinism and therefore appears foreign in a highly xenophobic country? Please explain why they opted to make fun of her hair instead of the fact that she's albino.

  • Bullying had zero effect on her? Because every person I have seen and met who was bullied is affected by it. For the rest of their life. Why wasn't she? It really isn't possible to genuinely not care when most of your classmates hate you. You can act like it doesn't bother you, but it does.

  • She recited poetry and just like that they stop bullying her? It does not work that way in the real world, if she beat the other girl up I can see them never harrassing her again but reciting poetry would make the bullying worse, not better.

  • You did not explain why her father took her brothers and not her. If he won custody of them in court(and yes, he would have to prove he is the better parent) ALL the children would be with him, not one randomly with their mother and the others with their father.

  • How is being called a rose ever an insult? Thorny they may be but roses are considered widely as one of the most beautiful flowers in the world and are a symbol for love, even in japan all while having one of the sweetest scents among flowers.

  • How did the abuse from her step father affect her? We need more than 'it affected her but she didn't act differently'.

  • Why did her mother join in the abuse? Did she just ignore it and allow it or did she actively beat her daughter?

  • Why does her father apparently have no visitation rights?

  • Why did her neighbors ignore what was probably blodd-curtling screams from a child? If I heard that I would call the police and so would all the neighbors near me? Being in japan there would be a lot of neighbors as most of them live in apartment complexes... are you telling me then that everyone on her floor and the floors above and below ignored it entirely? I find that VERY difficult to believe.

  • Why was it that her mother -who is also apparently abusive- has a change of heart with just the one act of her eye being lost? Why didn't her mother wake up or come to her aide if this is the first time she's screamed or cried?

  • You need permission from the player who runs the Yellow Scarves to have your character a member (likewise Mikado's permission would be needed to join the Blue Squares)

  • She's sixteen, yet her occupation is listed as nothing. Student counts as an occupation. If she is not a student please explain why her father is not insisting she finish highschool, if she is in school students are not permitted part time jobs.

  • Why is she afraid of peacocks and couples?

  • Parkour takes many years to master. She can be 'attempting to learn parkour' but she can not be at the level where she considers it almost a hobby.

  • Explain the chicken in the fridge, this is a serious question on the application, we expect a serious answer.

  • Please explain the hobby 'destroying property'. Destroying it how?

  • Do not seperate the app the way you have with line breaks and do not post like that in the forum. It makes things tedious and difficult to read, not easier, we would appreciate you do not break things up so much.


There, that's a lot of things to cover, but if you edit what was needed and answer the questions then we can see about accepting her. Until then she is not approved as of yet.

_________________
Izaya Orihara - Forever 21~ - Information Broker

Delic Heiwajima - 24 - Host

Naoki Ito -17- Stubborn student


Of all the things I've lost over the years I miss my mind the most


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Kaiki Magane
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PostSubject: Re: Kaiki Magane's Character Needs Approval   Mon Oct 29, 2012 7:28 pm

I have edited it and corrected what I was told. But, I did correct from my IPad, do if I missed anything, I apologize.
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Seliphra
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PostSubject: Re: Kaiki Magane's Character Needs Approval   Mon Oct 29, 2012 8:00 pm

Definitely better but there are still a few things that have to be adressed

  • You say she hears and sees things not really there, what mental illness has she actually got? It can be undiagnosed but where mental illness is concerned we would like you to do your research before giving your character something and we do need to know what it is.

    If you don't want to bother with that the alternative is she enjoys gorey movies and can handle it in reality but doesn't take pleasure from real violence and can get crazy hyper and people simple call her insane when she isn't really.

  • Please give us an example of what situation might call for selfless behaviour and what may call for selfish behaviour as these can be varied greatly from person to person.

  • If the bully was punched why did she just walk away stiffly? I saw one get punched and they lied through there teeth and cried like a baby to get the other person in trouble.

  • Please note that while personality disorders and learning disabilities are common in abused children mental illness causing delusions both audio and visual are not with the exception of genetic predisposition.

  • A person does not go through her background almost entirely unscathed. They become either severly depressed, develop personality disorders such as sociopathy aand become serial killers or they die

  • Her weaknesses do not balance her strengths. She is intelligent, strong and fast but her only real weakness is... actually none of those. Friends are a strength, so is love and helping a wounded animal is not something that is a weakness, it shows empathy. Cute things do not impede her greatly in life either. Enjoying cute things does not potentially bring harm.

    A weakness might be: She can't go into a room that is too dark or she will panic and scream. She has no depth perception due to her missing eye, etc.

  • Is she albino or not? This needs to be listed specifically. If you want her to be albino you must play the medical conditions, if she is not albino you must explain white hair on a japanese person and red eyes on a human without albinism

  • Please keep in mind that when roleplaying on the forum you may not use too much of her brothers or father without sending in a character application. The level used in your sample RP would be considered 'use of an unapproved oc'. Because this is a smaple that doesn't really matter, but it is something to remember on the open forums

  • I edited out the line breaks myself to make it easier to read. Sorry, but they really do make it hard on the eyes when the post is stretched like that and they are distracting.


All in all, there is a lot of improvment there, and you've clearly put a lot of thought into her. I can't wait to see her when she's ready to go and I look foreward to interacting with her~

_________________
Izaya Orihara - Forever 21~ - Information Broker

Delic Heiwajima - 24 - Host

Naoki Ito -17- Stubborn student


Of all the things I've lost over the years I miss my mind the most


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