Durarara!!/デュラララ!! Role Play
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Durarara!!/デュラララ!! Role Play

Ikebukuro: To some, it is just another big city in Japan, but there are others who have been priviledged to see what really goes on. Gang violence isn't what we're talking about. You'll soon see what I mean. Welcome to Ikebukuro...
 
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 Aku's Character needs approval!!! Please!

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Aku Tsumi
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Age : 19
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Join date : 2014-04-22

PostSubject: Aku's Character needs approval!!! Please!   Tue Apr 22, 2014 11:06 pm

decided to take it down


Last edited by Aku Tsumi on Wed May 27, 2015 10:21 pm; edited 2 times in total
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EreAsha (Kasuka)
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Age : 20
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Location : Noblesville, Indiana

PostSubject: Re: Aku's Character needs approval!!! Please!   Wed Apr 30, 2014 6:34 pm

Character approval isn't my area to comment on, however, as the site is just barely coming back at the moment, I decided to at least read through your character.

This character cannot be approved as it is. I felt bad just leaving it as it is. So, I'll let you know what you need to change in order to give this oc a chance of approval. If I'm stepping out of my boundaries, or get something wrong, I am welcome to another staff member correcting it.

First off, you have her skin color as porcelain white. That isn't just pale though. That's extremely light. Wouldn't the sun burn her, akin to albinism? Obviously she doesn't tan.

Next, you have her with way more strengths than she has weaknesses. One of the requirements of ocs are not to have more strengths, than weaknesses. It also states that if you have strengths such as all of yours, (quick thinking, understanding, slyness, accuracy, beauty, speed, flexibility, and agility) that you must have a whole lot to balance it out.

However, your weaknesses are 'gun shots, drugs, and being grabbed.' You also mentions weaknesses again when you talk about fears/weaknesses, and lists those as 'guns, pain, and people stronger than her.'

However, I don't really see any of these as weaknesses. Everyone has a weakness to guns and gunshots. After all, no one (excepting perhaps Celty) is immortal, and it would hurt. Drugs mess up anyone. You don't mention about how the grabbing is a weakness. You don't mention what type of grab is it either. Is it grabbing like to kidnap? Or does it include something like grabbing someone by the wrist to stop them? Pain is an obvious weakness that doesn't really count because everyone feels pain. Celty feels pain. And Shizuo does too, at times. He's just built up a very high pain tolerance.

You have it so that you are related to two canon characters as well. Shinra and Shingen Kishitani. However, in this forum, you cannot be related to a canon character. You also have it that you're friends with both Shizuo and Shinra. Yet, to have a relationship like this before even beginning to rp, you have to ask the person who plays that character. For Shinra, this is possible. However, we do not currently have a Shizuo rper, so no one can be friends automatically with him unless it is that way in canon.

You say that your character's enemy are both the yakuza and the Awakusu. (You could have just put yakuza, as the Awakusu is a yakuza group.) Yet, you give no indication whatsoever as to why this is.

You also mention that your character has no close relationships, despite having family and friends, and being able to make friends easily when she was in England.

You also say that she was teased about her eye color while in England. Yet, her eyes are listed as bright blue. To my knowledge, blue eyes are a natural eye color, and I see no reason for the teasing.

You also mention that her parents divorced when she was thirteen, and that her mom took her brother, and that her dad took her to Ikebukuro. And yet, she shows nothing of how this affected her. (You also don't mention her seeing or talking to either her mother or her brother.) I am seventeen with my parents going through a divorce. They are still friends and in contact, and yet it still puts a strain on me and my siblings. Just because she's non-human does not mean that she has no feelings.

In the background, you mention how she met Shinra and Shizuo. (Again, without a 'permit', so to speak, of this being allowed.) I feel like I should inform you that Shinra and Shizuo did not go to the same middle school. They went to the same elementary and high schools. Shinra and Izaya went to the same middle and high schools.

You say she is dark to people she doesn't like. However, you have Shizuo as her friend. Shizuo doesn't really like people who are dark to others.

You also say that Izaya loved to toy with her (again without permission from Izaya's player). But also, Izaya doesn't like non-humans.

Even with canon-relationships not allowed, you don't elaborate on how her father remarrying to Shinra's aunt made her feel. (Not to mention that I'm pretty sure Shinra doesn't have any aunts or uncles.)

With all of these things, you say that your character isn't trouble and almost seems normal. Yet, with all the strengths she has, and how she seems to act, she shouldn't really seem normal.

Especially since you say that she's stoned a lot.

You say she fights humans who complain about their lives, and yet there's no retribution for all of these fights.

It's stated that your character is searching for someone who will accept her and not use her. However, I don't see a reason for her to feel this way with how you have her. It states that she makes friends easily and if she's cruel a lot, then why would people accept her? There's also no mention anywhere of anyone using Aku in her past.

You state that one thing she would change about herself is her species, yet she doesn't strive to act like a human, and neither does she show any signs of disliking what she was born as.

In your sample rp, you have her threatened with a gun, and yes, she does run away, but she doesn't show any signs of fear or stress. Which she should with 'gun' in her fears and 'gun shots' in her weaknesses.

Your rp has her interacting with Shinra and Shizuo and stopping Shizuo from chasing Izaya more than any thing else.

Overall, there's way too many contradicting things and strengths to be a balanced character.

Please fix these contradictions and make more weaknesses to balance out the strengths, and well see about accepting her afterward.

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Durarara Season two is a thing. A real thing!


Fate - 19 - trouble maker
Dai Tomodachi - 15 - student
Yori - 19 - fortune teller/match maker
For the above Oc's


Kasuka Heiwajima    - 21 - actor
Here and here
Quote :
"With me poetry has not been a purpose, but a passion." - Edgar Allan


Namie Yagiri - 25 - Secretary to Orihara Izaya
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